Loss for Words

I have known for a while that I've needed to write a post. There is so much that I feel like needs to be said, but I find myself at a loss for words when it comes to appropriately detailing the events of my life. Each moment is a story and an individual post in and of itself, but for most of the topics, I have yet to find the maturity and knowledge to write about them. Simply said- God is still scripting those aspects of my life and I am not quite sure how He wants me to use them to help others. What I do know is that every trial and hardship that I am facing is part of a much bigger plan that God has for me.

Through times of chaos and confusion, I often find myself with my nose in God's Word. Last night, that ended up being my True Images Bible from middle school- which is definitely geared towards middle schoolers. Even so, stories about the now simplistic issues that I faced during that time in my life are a big reminder that many things appear to be a bigger deal at the time than they actually are.

That lesson is something that I wish resounded with me more often than it currently does. If I was able to continually remind myself that all things would be okay, I truly believe I would be less stressed and not as overwhelmed. The issue with today's society, and especially with myself, is that it is so set on trying to specifically map every aspect of a plan. I continually struggle with trying to figure out what God's plan is for me instead of just letting it happen. I find myself trying to connect dots that don't even exist. This is something that I am regularly struggling with, but always working on.

The dots of this post sporadically come and go and I am struggling to make each piece of what God is telling me to write come together. As I first stared at this blank post, I picked up my secondary devotion and began to read todays devotional, which was oddly titled First Aid. The passage focused only on Psalms 147:3, although Psalms 147:3-5 resounded greatly with me.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. 
Psalms 147:3-5

Fittingly, the post read:

"If you need healing and comfort after bruises sustained in this world, allow God's tender, loving care to soothe your pain." -Cheri Cowell, 365 Devotions for Peace 

Which I believe I truly needed to hear tonight. Isn't it crazy how God places the perfect devotional in your life just when you need it the most? I was reminded that it is okay to be broken and feel lost at times because God's lap will always be there as a comforter.

"Through your tears, watch as He pulls out His first-aid kit; it contains all you need to experience comfort and feel at peace."-Cheri Cowell, 365 Devotions for Peace 

God will always be there, no matter how hard or how low we've fallen. The biggest thing that I think I have learned these past couple of weeks is that no matter how much I worry, it isn't going to change my situation. One of my favorite verses, Luke 12:25, has repeatedly been echoing in my head.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?
Luke 12:25

It speaks of such a great truth that I find myself always needing to remember. Worrying and stressing about my schoolwork and exams or about what is going on at home isn't going to make the situation any better. The best I can do is pray and ask God for comfort and solace in my times of need.

I have felt like when I need it the most, God places good reminders of how great of a life I have in my path, regardless of my current situation. In addition to His constant reminders that are found in His word, I have found great comfort in music. In the song Sparrows, Jason Gray sings two lines that always stand out to me:

You can't add a single day by worrying, you'll worry you're life away. Oh, don't worry your life away.

If He can hold the world, He can hold this moment.

Both of these lines in particular stand out to me as great reminders of God's grace. Through all things, God is there to hold us in our struggles.

So, while I may currently be struggling to find the right words to describe the hardships of my life, I am able to share that God is still here. He is still scripting my life in ways that I am unable to see and comprehend, but are meaningful nonetheless.

I recently told a great friend that I hear God most when I am blogging. Every line that I write flows straight from the lips of God. When I feel lost in my faith, I try to make the time to share my story. I have to say that this post was the hardest post I have written. Not because it was extremely personal or saddening, but because I was struggling to hear God talking to me. So thank you for allowing me to share with you all in a moment where I felt at a loss for words because my ears were blocked. Sometimes all it takes is some music, a candle, a devotional, a couple Bibles and quiet time with God to really hear what he wants to say.