Saturday, January 14, 2017

A Loss for Words

Right now, it's 1 in the morning and I am sitting in the hallway of a hotel in Florida. My awesome college has afforded me the opportunity to attend a wonderful leadership conference down here in the deep south. I am thankful to be surrounded by so many wonderful people at such a hard time.
Earlier this evening we went to a dinner sponsored by Dow. I flipped my phone over and vowed not to look at it for the evening. When dinner finished, I flipped my phone over to a screen full of missed calls from every one of my siblings and my mom. Before I even returned a call, I knew what had happened.
Dad had passed.
It's funny how we have a gut feeling like that.
It's not funny when it's true.

I walked down the stairs and immediately asked Hope the question. As she was answering, I wandered back up the stairs and found myself standing in the middle of a room full of some of my best friends and tons of strangers. It took eye contact with only one of my friends for each of them to know what had happened. I heaved and they stood up from the table and embraced me. I ventured right back down those steps and sat on a bench. A lady I was yet to meet, sat down and prayed with me. The Lord will be with me through it all.

I am so thankful for the wonderful people in my life that are constantly embracing me and my struggles. They take my burdens without complaint and help carry a portion so I don't have to bear as much.

The thing is, I still can't believe it.

I am so glad that my dad is no longer struggling. He is free. I know it will be okay. The Lord will guide and protect us every step of the way. I need to find contentment in the situation. I will find contentment.

For those who may be wondering, I have decided to stay for the remainder of my conference. Going home won't bring my dad back, it would just take me away from this fantastic opportunity. He would want me to stay.

So, as I am sitting in this hallway, I have tons of room numbers I could easily go knock on and tons of phone numbers I could simply call. But I have decided to spend some alone time with the Lord. This is part of His plan and I may not understand it, but it is what it is.

For those of you wondering how you can help our family, we don't need casseroles or gift cards, we need prayers. Prayers for strength and healing and power to overcome. Each one of us is struggling. But we will overcome.
It will be okay.
It will be okay.
It will be okay.


  1. Prayers my dear. Your faith is inspirational may God bless your family.

  2. You have a way with words Sarah, beautiful. I am so proud of you and the young woman you have become. So grateful God allowed our paths to cross when you were an 8th grader at PMBC. Praying for you and your entire family, now and in the days to come. - Ms. Laura C.

  3. God bless you and your entire family. Your strength and faith are incredibly impressive in the aftermath of such an enormous loss. May that strength continue to support and guide you through this difficult time. I hope you enjoy the rest of that conference. Take all you can from it. I think your decision to stay is so brace and awesome and mature beyond your years. You are 100% correct in that you returning home wouldn't change what has occurred. Good for you for having the insight to understand that. May God continue to lift you up and provide you with everything you need. Sending all our strength and love, The Small's